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I have a sentence as follow:

연세 여행사에서 저에게 기회를 주시면 열심히 일할 것을 약속 드리겠습니다.

I think "열심히 일할 것을 약속 드리겠습니다" is not correct, because as i know, following 을/를 must be a verb, not a noun like 약속, so the correct sentence must be "열심히 일할 것을 약속해 드리겠습니다.", right?

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I think both of them don't use often in Korea. As I am Korean people, many Korean people use “기회를 주신다면 열심히 일하겠습니다”. (if you give me a chance, I will work hard.) In fact, many Korean doesn't say "연세 여행사" in this sentence. I hope you understand this^^

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Your original sentence is fine if it is for an email or letter. It might sound a bit too formal for a spoken sentence though.

As for 약속드리겠습니다 versus 약속해 드리겠습니다, I would prefer 약속드리겠습니다. They both mean the same thing, but 약속드리겠습니다 (or 약속드립니다) seems much more common. -을/를 약속드리다 is used idiomatically in formal contexts.

There was a comment about using 귀사 or 귀 여행사 instead of 연세 여행사 but these 귀- expressions are really old-fashioned and formal. I think using the name of the company as you did is more in line with recent trends.

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